Saturday, August 13, 2016

Goodbye Leaves & Branches



The Tree Test

LEAF PEOPLE
Some people come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can't depend on them or count on them because they are weak and only there to give you shade. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or a wind blows in your life they are gone. You can't be angry at them, it's just who they are.

BRANCH PEOPLE
There are some people who come into your life and they are like branches on a tree. They are stronger than leaves, but you have to be careful with them. They will stick around through most seasons, but if you go through a storm or two in your life it's possible that you could lose them. Most times they break away when it's tough. Although they are stronger than leaves, you have to test them out before you run out there and put all your weight on them. In most cases they can't handle too much weight. But again, you can't be mad with them, it's just who they are.

ROOT PEOPLE
If you can find some people in your life who are like the roots of a tree then you have found something special. Like the roots of a tree, they are hard to find because they are not trying to be seen. Their only job is to hold you up and help you live a strong and healthy life. If you thrive, they are happy. They stay low key and don't let the world know that they are there. And if you go through an awful storm they will hold you up. Their job is to hold you up, come what may, and to nourish you, feed you and water you.

Just as a tree has many limbs and many leaves, there are few roots. Look at your own life. How many leaves, branches and roots do you have? There might even be people there who you thought would be roots.... but we're actually branches.... What are you in other people's lives?

Friday, May 27, 2016

I Forgot

A truck. A go to when your other quits. A delivery man. A tool. A sympathetic ear.

I was rowing hard. Cause I took the place of TWO people.

I wasn't asked. I was told.... But only part of the reality.

"Let's talk tomorrow...." Yeah. That never happened.


Why couldn't you be honest with me?


You knew.... The stress. The anxiety. Everything was because I cared about it. I endured it all.... For what? For you to use it as your excuse? No more. No way.

It's sorta my own fault. Too close. Sharing too much. Taking down too many bricks.


Hope it was worth it. Hope it all works out. Trainings, certifications, hard work.... Hope the pitch that was thrown isn't a curve ball.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

"What does your name mean?"

Yes, I did a little creative spelling in Ms. Tugalevas quote above on purpose...

Cause there are these kids... And sometimes I dread them, but usually I want to be around them. I want to know there stories... And I want to help them write new chapters....  And sometimes I can't so as much as I want because of obligated paperwork... But sometimes you learn about some previous chapters.... And you just want to rewrite them....

"Let's go ahead back to class.... I will stay with you a while...."

"Okay..." [Reluctantly]

"You are such a pretty girl.... And Harmonee  is such a pretty name.... Do you know what it means?"

[Long pause thinking] "No..... Wait, yes.... I think it means peace."

"You're right, great job, do you know what peace means?"

"Yeah, I think peace means when everything feels okay and everyone is okay with each other."

I try so hard not to get attached to kids.... Especially at a high transfer school.... And even after several hours at the doctor...even as I lay here in pain, caused by this precious #6 of 8, I only have thoughts of harmony for her.... Thoughts of peace for her, thoughts of desire to make everything feel okay for her.... I want her next experiences in her chapters of her life to be those that don't make her feel sad and angry and unloved....

So until those chapters are written, until drastic changes occur, or until I figure out how to give her all the support and love she's ever needed.... I will have "thoughts of harmony to allow experiences of Harmonee".

My body will always heal.... God bless these children who break my heart and stir up my soul for efforts to help them beyond my reach.

Peace & Blessings.......
Amanda

Friday, February 26, 2016

Sum it up


"Consider it joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance."
James 1:2-3

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Harper Lee


On Friday, February 19, 2016 the literature world lost an inspiring voice that penned a book that folks either love or love to hate. Harper Lee, the author of To Kill a Mockingbird and Go Set a Watchman, won my heart at 10 years old when I received my very own hardback copy of To Kill a Mockingbird from my Aunt Kathy for a Christmas. I had read through my mother's copy and enjoyed it... But through the years as I continued to read it over and over at least twice a year... I began to not only fall in love with the lyrical descriptions of that southern set small town and the  captivating characters in the book but also for the author herself.


Ms. Lee was born in Monroeville, Alabama, a small town in southern Alabama that I had visited numerous times and reminded me much of my own childhood hometown of Evergreen, Alabama. The plot and characters are said to be loosely based on Lee's observations of her family and neighbors, as well as an event that occurred near her hometown in 1936, when she was 10 years old. The novel deals with the irrationality of adult attitudes towards race and class in the Deep South of the 1930s, as depicted through the eyes of two children. The novel was inspired by racist attitudes in her hometown of Monroeville, Alabama.... This is something I understood quite well having grown up in a town that even in the 1980's seemed to hold a distinct racial divide. Beyond that the description of the town itself... Courthouse, main square that held all the town's shops, businesses, and events... Houses and descriptions of people that seemed plucked from my life.


She continued to start and stop her writings, filing them away unfinished and unsatisfied....this I can most definitely relate to. I have tons of handwritten starts in notebooks and typed online...of stories and thoughts and ideas.... That I've never completed. Never felt satisfied with, never shared....Just like her novel was controversal and banned from certain book clubs and schools, perhaps i feel some of my thoughts might stir up controversy... Something Ive felt in the last few months of some of my writings....unitentionally.... And from the time of the publication of To Kill a Mockingbird until her death in 2016, Lee granted almost no requests for interviews or public appearances and, with the exception of a few short essays, published nothing further, until 2015. I certainly admired that about her most. She poured her heart into a book, not for the fame and fortune, but simply for the words on the page that were expressed.


In February 2015, Lee's lawyer,  released a statement confirming the publication of a second novel, Go Set a Watchman. Written in the mid-1950s, the book was controversially published in July 2015 as a "sequel" of To Kill a Mockingbird, though it has since been confirmed to be Mockingbird's first draft.


I read and enjoyed this novel also... But nothing will ever capture my heart like To Kill a Mockingbird.... I think because it takes me to a simpler time and place in my own life... Where yes, controversial things went on... But seeing them from the view of a child, growing and discovering your own opinions on events...


 Just to read it, reconquers memories of the smell of honeysuckle, walking or riding my bike with my sister past old houses where rocking chairs sat empty on wrap around wooden porches... While ladies trimmed roses or picked summer vegetables, wearing gardening gloves and wide brimmed hats... Where men met at my papas feed store to say hello or at the local smoke filled waffle house for their morning cup of coffee before heading off to their daily task at the post office or bank...


A time where I could clearly see red birds fluttering around bright azalea bushes, hummingbirds flapping their busy bee wings sipping nectar and occasionaly catch the song of a mockingbird...


"Shoot all the blue jays you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird." That was the only time I ever heard Atticus say it was a sin to do something, and I asked Miss Maudie about it. "Your father's right," she said. "Mockingbirds don't do one thing except make music for us to enjoy."


Nelle Harper Lee 1926-2016