10 Days Revisited, Months Reflected

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Today has been TEN MONTHS since my youngest son, Elisha, had his accident that claimed his arm and had totally changed our family (in joy and in anguish).... so today, I wanted to share what was actually a Facebook post back in October 2016... it was my very first post since the accident. We had just left ICU to a regular room and had been continuing to have surgeries every 3 days. We had no idea what the future held for anyone, all I knew was my son was alive, and I was very very grateful for that.... Here's what I wrote:

October 9, 2016 · 
I've let my husband do the updates on Elisha while I've privately written down my thoughts each day....but today, this morning, as I sit between my son sleeping and a hospital room window watching the sunrise over Pensacola, I felt the need to share my writing from this morning with friends and family here so that even if one person who doesn't know the Lord or one person who doesn't know my gratitude reads this....then it was worth to share my private writings this morning....

It's Been Ten Days

I've always been fascinated with how the Lord reflects uses of certain numbers in the Bible. The number 10 is one of those numbers. The most obvious is the 10 commandments. The phrase "God said" is used 10 times in the creation week in Genesis 1. There were 10 generations that lived up until the time of Noah. There were 10 plagues which are reflective of the completeness of God’s judgment. We are to tithe at least 10 percent. Jesus even used the number 10 repeatedly especially in his parables (10 virgins, 10 lepers, 10 talents, 10 minas/units, etc) And one I love is that there were exactly 10 “I AM’s” spoken by Jesus in the Gospel of John.

Ten days ago, our son lost his hand and part of his left arm in an accident. While we won't ever see his hand again, we have seen nothing but God's hand throughout all of this ordeal. We give all the praise and glory to God for our babies life. That's 10 days of tears, 10 days of public and private prayer, 10 days of reflection. That's 10 days of love and support we have had from our small community that has been amazing. From area churches praying for us, individuals calling and checking on us, and just everyone who has been so supportive of Elisha and our family. To merely say thank you could never adequately express our gratitude.

That's 10 days of medical amazement. We are also so thankful to the doctors, nurses, surgeons, and staff who have constantly checked on us and cared for our son.

Thats 10 days of knowing that God's timing is perfect and His plan is unmatched. He is the Great Physician and he heals all wounds inside and out.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:19

So now.... it's been TEN MONTHS. We've had numerous other hospital stays, surgeries, at home treatments, tears, joys, and love and support from our family, friends, and community.... and truth be told, we've been faced with some harsh realities.... that sometimes like recently, infections pop up unexpectedly, people you thought loved you actually don't, and sometimes... in the midst of a traumatic situation you have to turn to the one who is always Always ALWAYS in your corner.... Jesus.  We have both returned to work, Elisha and Wes back to school... We've hurdled appointments, therapy, family movie nights, and all contributed to our new business, Tekton Millworks.  We have seen Elisha grow and flourish and adapt in ways that we never thought possible.... and as he continues to physically heal, we all continue to heal with him... spiritually, emotionally, mentally.... no it's not always sunshine and roses... and I think that God understands that... cause he never ever promised life would be easy and pretty.... and that's okay....

Because in this ten months of healing, we have learned to embrace this beautiful, zany, somewhat chaotic thing that we call LIFE....

And we are far from perfect... though we strive to serve Him and embrace His word in all we do... we fail miserably... and yet, He still listens. Still loves. Still forgives...

and in the last ten months... that is exactly what we all have needed...

Last night, I spent the evening on the beach with Elisha, while Wes swam in the pool with Lee (Elisha has a picc line and can't get it wet so we settled for walking on the dark beach in the moonlight)

It was beautiful.... it was so quiet and still... with only the waves softly curving to show their white foam and making their swish swish splash towards the shore.... and Elisha just watched... he just seemed to soak it in.... and I said a prayer as I held his hand thanking God for these last ten months... providing me with just what I needed... thanking Him for listening, for loving, for forgiving... and expressing my joy and gratitude for the opportunity to be with my baby boy, on the beach, in the moonlight... watching His amazing creation of the ocean...

God is good.

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Love Lifted Me

I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore,

Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more,
But the Master of the sea, heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I.

Love lifted me! Love lifted me!
When nothing else could help
Love lifted me!

All my heart to Him I give, ever to Him I’ll cling
In His blessèd presence live, ever His praises sing,
Love so mighty and so true, merits my soul’s best songs,
Faithful, loving service too, to Him belongs.

Love lifted me! Love lifted me!
When nothing else could help
Love lifted me!

Souls in danger look above, Jesus completely saves,
He will lift you by His love, out of the angry waves.
He’s the Master of the sea, billows His will obey,
He your Savior wants to be, be saved today

The Grass Doesn't Grow Over There Anymore

The grass doesn't grow over there anymore.
The grass isn't dormant, the grass isn't dead,
The grass is in mourning, for the day it turned red.

It was a bright sunny day, as I started my chore.
A favorite past time, I can't do anymore.
Therapeutic for me, while others deplore,
but the grass doesn't grow over there anymore.

My baby was four when he started to run
across the yard chasing me, he was just having fun.
But the fun didn't last over the lawnmowers roar,
Now the grass doesn't grow over there anymore.

In the blink of an eye it was over and done.
I couldn't take it back, couldn't stop it or run
I hit my knees, grabbed him, seeing blood galore
Now the grass doesn't grow over there anymore

Little did I know the journey had just begun,
for me, my family, and especially my son,
I found his tiny hand, mangled forevermore
And the grass doesn't grow over there anymore.

In the following days, not knowing what to do,
I asked the Lord to have mercy,  cause He'd lost a Son once too.
I cried out to God, don't take him to heavens door
Just cause the grass doesn't grow there anymore.

A barren, desolate circle of haste
Is all that remains of that fateful place.
I see it each day, ten feet from the barn door
And the grass doesn't grow over there anymore

The grass has withered and died,
And the dirt won't hold any life.
What remains today is my son, unaware of his strife,
He's as happy as he ever seemed to be before,
Though the grass doesn't grow over there anymore.

The dust is all that remains, and even that blows away.
But I can't ever forget, my most painful day
I relive it each night, it still hurts to the core,
And the grass doesn't grow over there anymore.

--Amanda L.E. Parratt

Goodbye Leaves & Branches

The Tree Test

LEAF PEOPLE
Some people come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can't depend on them or count on them because they are weak and only there to give you shade. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or a wind blows in your life they are gone. You can't be angry at them, it's just who they are.

BRANCH PEOPLE
There are some people who come into your life and they are like branches on a tree. They are stronger than leaves, but you have to be careful with them. They will stick around through most seasons, but if you go through a storm or two in your life it's possible that you could lose them. Most times they break away when it's tough. Although they are stronger than leaves, you have to test them out before you run out there and put all your weight on them. In most cases they can't handle too much weight. But again, you can't be mad with them, it's just who they are.

ROOT PEOPLE
If you can find some people in your life who are like the roots of a tree then you have found something special. Like the roots of a tree, they are hard to find because they are not trying to be seen. Their only job is to hold you up and help you live a strong and healthy life. If you thrive, they are happy. They stay low key and don't let the world know that they are there. And if you go through an awful storm they will hold you up. Their job is to hold you up, come what may, and to nourish you, feed you and water you.

Just as a tree has many limbs and many leaves, there are few roots. Look at your own life. How many leaves, branches and roots do you have? There might even be people there who you thought would be roots.... but we're actually branches.... What are you in other people's lives?

I Forgot

A truck. A go to when your other quits. A delivery man. A tool. A sympathetic ear.

I was rowing hard. Cause I took the place of TWO people.

I wasn't asked. I was told.... But only part of the reality.

"Let's talk tomorrow...." Yeah. That never happened.

Why couldn't you be honest with me?

You knew.... The stress. The anxiety. Everything was because I cared about it. I endured it all.... For what? For you to use it as your excuse? No more. No way.

It's sorta my own fault. Too close. Sharing too much. Taking down too many bricks.

Hope it was worth it. Hope it all works out. Trainings, certifications, hard work.... Hope the pitch that was thrown isn't a curve ball.

"What does your name mean?"

Yes, I did a little creative spelling in Ms. Tugalevas quote above on purpose...

Cause there are these kids... And sometimes I dread them, but usually I want to be around them. I want to know there stories... And I want to help them write new chapters....  And sometimes I can't so as much as I want because of obligated paperwork... But sometimes you learn about some previous chapters.... And you just want to rewrite them....

"Let's go ahead back to class.... I will stay with you a while...."

"Okay..." [Reluctantly]

"You are such a pretty girl.... And Harmonee  is such a pretty name.... Do you know what it means?"

[Long pause thinking] "No..... Wait, yes.... I think it means peace."

"You're right, great job, do you know what peace means?"

"Yeah, I think peace means when everything feels okay and everyone is okay with each other."

I try so hard not to get attached to kids.... Especially at a high transfer school.... And even after several hours at the doctor...even as I lay here in pain, caused by this precious #6 of 8, I only have thoughts of harmony for her.... Thoughts of peace for her, thoughts of desire to make everything feel okay for her.... I want her next experiences in her chapters of her life to be those that don't make her feel sad and angry and unloved....

So until those chapters are written, until drastic changes occur, or until I figure out how to give her all the support and love she's ever needed.... I will have "thoughts of harmony to allow experiences of Harmonee".

My body will always heal.... God bless these children who break my heart and stir up my soul for efforts to help them beyond my reach.

Peace & Blessings.......
Amanda